First of all, I am not so much a past like person. I dont really talk about my past life. I like leaving it that way, some of my past stories are painful which I will only share with some people when they ask. Those people are close to me. I don't really talk about it with strangers. But, I never talked about my past relationships with anyone. So, since I've been single for a while, honestly, when I think about it, it's frustrating but I just sort of let go of it. I'm okay like this. Single.
And also, I just want to share this because I have some tips and stuffs that I hope might help. I know no one actually reads my blog or there are a few, but I don't mind. Okay so, I am going to start from my first boyfriend.
I had my very own computer when I was 13 or 14. I don't remember. And I got addicted with msn since I met some of my friends who were an msn-addict. Now we're on whatsapp and skype. Okay so, I and my friend, we were so close before. So we chat almost all the time talking about stuffs. And then, her friend, used her account, I texted her, I said 'hey sis' I called her sis by the way. ''she'' replied ''dude, I'm not your sister!'' and I was pissed off *when I was younger, I get pissed of easily, I dont know why* so I texted ''her'' like this *typing so fast at that time* ''okay! so what's wrong with you???! Are you listening to those low lives crappy bitches?!'' then ''she'' replied, ''Im sorry but who are you?!" then I replied ''oh right, now you don't know me?!" then ''she'' replied "okay I am so sorry but I'm actually someone else. I'm your sister's friend'' then I didn't believed ''her''. I went offline.
I logged back in after I talked to my grandmother about some stuffs like how did she met my grandfather and all that, my grandmother by the way, knows a little bit of magic. She can see unusual stuffs and... okay sorry, I dont... I cant tell you that.. lol. I just did but I'm not gonna continues. Okay so I logged back in and ''she'' sent me some apologies emoticons which was weird before I even knew ''she'' was actually a ''he''. So, ofcourse I accepted it then ''she'' really proved ''she'' is actually a ''he'' do you get what I mean? Sorry, I think you don't.
Like this. For example, I am Jessica, yes? My friend Sabrina, a very close friend of mine chats with me all the time, then Sabrina's friend who is a guy uses her account, I dont know why. So, I don't know that Sabrina's account was used by her friend who is a guy. And the story continues. So, after he proved it, I also owes him an apology. He told me to add him, so I did. One night, I was mostly online every night. We chatted, I am half Filipino by the way. *I am half Bruneian, half Malaysian, half Spain and half Filipino* okay, so I speak tagalog *filipino language* fluently. He asked me if I could teach him some and I said sure why not. He'd type a sentence in english, sometimes in malay so I translate them in Tagalog.
He then asked me ''what does I love you means in tagalog?'' and I asnwered ''I love you'' he replied ''hahaha, I knew you were in me. I love you too'' and I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't in him yet. I've known the guy for only 3 days. So, I said ''hahaha. you rat!'' then he laughed and said ''dont deny it'' so I just texted ''haha'' then he replied ''I was just kidding'' and then I said ''No its okay., Really'' then after a week, he did the same thing so I said ''yes'' I know, 1 week is a very short time to actually know the person. But I was almost a teenager and I thought that first love should be before you turn into a teenager.
I was a little into him because he made me laugh all the time and he's not a sweet talker, he's not a control freak and he takes me as I am. Then a few weeks later, like 3 weeks, I told him that I wanted to end our relationship because I don't love him, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I don't love. Now that I am 16, thinking back to what I've done, I might call myself the 'heartbreaker' I broke someone's heart. Anyway, he begged to please don't do it. Don't break up with him. But I was so desperate to actually let him go. I went offline. Then after 3 days, he texted me. ''Hi'' then I replied ''hey'' then he said ''I'm sorry. Can we please be my gf again?'' I was so shocked and flattered, that a guy, whom I broke up with, apologized to me about something he didn't do, I broke his heart but he said sorry to me. It just made me realize that in my heart, I've loved him a little bit. So I said yes.
Then after a month, days went by so fast, I broke up with him because, okay first of all I'd like to make a confession. The friend I was telling you were actually my half sister. Will talk to you about that later. Okay, so I broke up with Nismo *not his real name* I am not going to tell you his real name by the way. Okay, so I broke up with him because my half sister told me he's cheating on me. I made some research *lol* not really, I went into his account *my half sister gave me the password* I knew then why he didn't want to give me his password. I understand, it's his own privacy but in a relationship there should be trust. And the only way that time was by checking his friend lists. And he made a group ''girlfriends'' there were like 20+
I didn't told him why I broke up with him but then after a week, we started chatting again. H ewanted another chance but I rejected. I said, ''we're not for each other'' then he said okay. He said that if it's okay for us to be friends. Then I said yes, oh and he said that if it's okay for him to ask me out on a date. Then I said no because there's no way my dad would let me. I was 13 or 14. He was 14 or 15. Then one night, I was bored, I sent him a video chat request. I was wearing a singlet and a jacket. I was on my bed. We chatted. BY THE WAY, nothing happened. I'm not that type of person! HAHAHA! Oh my Gosh! HAHAHA! okay so, anyway. It was a good time because *oh by the way, my sisters were in the room that time* so, we sort of laughed the whole night because we were watching this funny movie. Yes, by video chatting. Lol. It's bitter but sweet. xoxo. Anyway, after that, he made me listen to some music, I liked hip hop music before. He played some and we both danced. It was fun.
And then, I stopped opening my msn because there are some friend requests from guys who requested for a video chat because they wanted to masturbate. And I was so mad, I blocked them all and then stopped opening my msn because I was so disgusted. I opened my email, I saw that Nismo sent me an email asking if I was alright. He cares about me eventhough he cheated. But, that little bit of love disappeared. It hurts too much to actually find out the truth from someone else. So, I replied ''I'm sorry, Im okay, thank you for your concerns'' then he said that he thinks I am developing feelings for him again. My brain went all crazy, my heart turned to stone and tears running down my eyes. I'm not dramatic. It hurts me so much that I made someone hope. I made someone thinks I love him again. It was because of me being so nice to him. I actually understands now why when we break up, we'll have to be strangers again. So I replied to him ''No! why are you so dumb?! I said I'm not inlove with you anymore. From now on, I dont want you to ever talk to me or chat with me and I dont want to hear from you ever again!'' then he replied ''okay. I'm sorry'' that made me cried more because, not only did I made him hope, I broke his heart again.
Okay, summary:-
- We met thorugh chatting from my half sister's msn
- He is my first bf. I had a little bit of love for him
-I broke up with him two times because:-
. I thought I didn't have any love for him at all
. He cheated
-We had a video cam which didn't involve any sexual stuffs I SWEAR! had a movie night and danced
-I made him hope
-I broke his heart a lot of times
So, in our relationship. I am the one to blame. Wait, 80% me and 20% him. Cause he cheated.
Lessons I've learned:-
-In a relationship, trust, loyalty and care are the three most important things. So, whatever the techniques are for these three, ofcourse, it's up to the situations. If you can't handle it, don't involve yourself in it
-To actually feel the love, get to know the person deeply. 1 week is not good.
-It's okay when you broke up with someone, they becomes strangers again.
Next: part 2
No comments:
Post a Comment